My name is Jazz…



After sitting quietly eating shortbread and watching One Born Every Minute, Jazz started writing her blog. As usual, on her mobile, earphones in playing favourite music. She sent me the end result by email even though I was right next to her. I suggested it was very personal and people she knows as well as others she doesn’t will read it. Was she sure she wanted to post? She smiled her beautiful smile and said ” it’s the truth mum and Tracey Emin would”

Jazz has been insistent on being heard since I started this blog so here it is:

My blog number 3

On they 26/2/2011  I  was 16 and i went to hositbl  wit panic attacks. I remember been in the abilanse.  On the way to hositbail I was trying to be  as. brave as I can but I now what mum was felling wich  was teering me apart and  how I was felling was the same.  so we got put in a smal room for 7 hours.  The pain was unberbul for all of us. when we finely  got sean with out been hobiail the woman dident speak verry good  Eginelish .  I will never forget my mums face it was red like some think out of Tom and jerry. I said to my mum is she mad.  we got a esesmont. thay couldn’t help me so we went to my friend house and she mad us a cup of tea then I went home sad.

The next day we went to Scarborough. i was going of the rails.I went to got my hair pretty  much all off and I look hobiail. When my mum saw me she look like she was trying  not to cry I new what I had done but I was ent very whell.

So we go back to Whitby and I said to mum I fucking out of here excuses my langwich.  I went and got spray pint and deoderunt wich I am not alound.  then the police came and thay took me to the stachan and I got put in a seput room. I keep on texting my mum saying come but thay would ent let her.  I spared spray pint in mu math. then mum came in and said to pc man you have to speke to jazz in a certon way. he said dot tell me how to do my  job then I showted I want to go in to town on my on. They couldet keep me  so thay said oley for a hour. Then I got rapet. I was vey scered. It was horibail. He pushy me a round. And was genreley been a basted. And he gave me weed.

mum rang me I put the phone down on her so she rang agin so I pick up I met back up with her and we went home. I went to have a bath I had mess in my pants mum ask me way so I told her. she cryd. When the Pc cam I told them and then thay cort him he dident get charged.I was in a mess.

I got beeter and stronger and when I was 18 I moved in my on house up the drive fr my mums house. we got a new friend who looks after me but of cores I was rally skerd I thort he was serial killer but he is totally the opposite. he is grate fun.

I rember the frest  time I staid at my new house it was with my new friend and Claudia.  it was a amazing felling. I felt more proud than I ever felt bee for. I rambler running happy to my mum bear still to this day. I wish I still lived with her but I just think I am very  proud.

5 thoughts on “My name is Jazz…

  1. Gosh Jazz you are one really strong cookie , and so brave to go through such terrible things . I am glad you are safe now and living independently .Your mum is one very special lady too and you are blessed to have been joined together . well done for being so honest .

  2. Pingback: “It’s the truth mum and Tracey Emin would” | The Open Nest

  3. So sorry to read you went through so much horrible stuff.

    You are an amazing person Jazz. You and your mom do each other proud.

    While I’ve never had panic attacks with the sort of intensity that you’ve described, and so I don’t really know how many coherent thoughts might drift through your head amongst all the trauma, if you ever do have them again, try to focus on the stuff I said in that last line ^up there before this paragraph, because it’s the truth.

    You’re one brave dude, Jazz. ❤

  4. Jazz this was very hard to read because what you have dealt with is so very horrific. I think you are amazing for sharing this and letting people know how very difficult life can be as an adoptee. You should be very proud of yourself because you have come through so much and you are now in your own house being strong. I know mummy bear is always close at hand but you are showing the world that no matter what hand it deals you, you will be the winner. Thank you for being part of the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. xx

  5. Jazz I think you are so brave to share what you’ve been through, and I’m sorry you had to go through such horrible things. Your honesty is amazing, but your strength shines through…
    Thanks for linking this up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

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