My Blog number 6

Anger

What duse it mack me fell like when I’m angry?

Before I get angry thay is a trigger
or should I say a few. What are thay? it can be fowling over or seeing drunk people or fighting or people raising the voice. Then I will be bottling it all up. me and my sport worker had a name for it it was “Michelle” and I will say one thing it not an amagnery friend it ment have u got your tuff shell on preteding it all going well when it’s not.

then I will get a head ack and have rally bad dreams then wear my berth mum hurt me I am bold in one part of my head and that hearts to.

then one of my sport workers will say a little thing like can u help me put the shopping away or help walk the dogs and it will send me off the rallies and I will lie and say it was just that one thing or a cupel of things.

And if thay no me well then thay will say that not it jazz is it and I will say yes it is that.  But if Claudia or Krissi or mum is on I will say.

But depp down I no what rally wrong but dot get me wrong that cupel of things thay said will ove made it worts then I will start to crave weed and acherholl and will start to look at thing I’m not alound to look at on the web then I start to smoke more.

Michelle will come out and then I will hite some one or try to bite some think or some one and then my head is getting wors and then I will hurt the dogs then thay have to bee put in a safe place.

then If it get rally bad we do the safe hould but it just like a big hug. Ey way when it all came down we do a spider gram with all the triggers on it and we talk about it we try to before it gets out of hand.

but some time it is hard to say because my sport worker Stu is a boy and I try to bee laddy with him and won’t so how I fell because I’ve been Tould that boys dot sow the fellings. as u all no I’m a girl but I rally won’t to bee a boy. I will give u exampel when I was a teen I got a toy willy from the joke shop and I went to the local shop with it down my boxers and I went to the toilet and came out with it hang out and every one was steering it was so funny lol.

its hard to be diifernt like I rally won’t to bee A boy and play call of duty and get drunk but like good people say no jazz that not good for u it mack your anger worse.

Very soon after meeting Jazz I fell for her scraggy head, beautiful smile and adventurous bravery.

Despite being completely full on and challenging to parent she could always make me laugh. Partly because of her wit and humour we have always moved on from difficult patches very quickly and tomorrow is always a new day.

Our first holiday together was in Southern Ireland where we hired a horse drawn caravan. It was a hilarious road trip from the start and she was full of joy and curious excitement. She thrived with the responsibility for our massive horse Papa whom she fearlessly led, drove, fed and cleaned.
The slow slow pace was perfect for us and the peaceful nights round a campfire were bliss.

On this magical holiday, nearly a year after we first met, Jazz sang nearly all the time and drew lots. One night after a blissful day parked up in fields beside a deserted beach, she drew her first face with a smile rather than no mouth or a flat line. It was a subtle little thing that an average family may not have to note or celebrate, but it made me so very very happy.