My Name Is Jazz: My Work

Me At Work

 

I work at a animal recque place. I some time find it hard because it brings some fellings up like me been recque by mummy bear bear but I love it because it giving not tacking all the time. I all so find it hard because the animals have been mist triad so like I said it brings flash backs but my favour dog is Harry he is a staff+ Rocwrler+ German Shepard and he loves me and he likes going on long walks with me and he likes hugs and kiss.                                                                                                        But he is like me he dissent like his head been touch and cart have his water in with him because when I’m not ther he throws it a round the place lol! then there is Rusty he like to walk to. he is my second fav because he a staff+. Ridgeback and when he Duse a poo he spins around in serculls 3 time wich macks me laugh. he barks a lot then there is Tyson he is a Gary Hound he like to jump a round and pea up every thing. then there is Roma he is a lurcher. he is very cuddle and soft and ten ther is 7 ginny pigs but my fave is rusty and patch. patch is my best fav because he is inquisitive he like to explor and go in my hat and sit on my hear and be hold like a baby. Rusty like to be on his on like a popper man lol! then we got 3 geese and hens and ducks they do what birds do. then we got a blind goat. he got the foot and math desees and then 3 cats smokey Tom and stripey and finly 3/4 rabbits. I just love it

Solutions

I know we at ‘The Trauma Train’ are not always known as blogging about the happier sides of adoption, but we always try to let the love and truth of our family life shine through. The truth is not always easy or pretty but it’s our truth and we feel it has beauty in its imperfections.
I suppose adopting and fostering has made us very passionate about the rights of adoptees and adoption support, as it has other adoption bloggers who share their stories warts and all.

I want this post to be one that shows the solutions we have found during our own personal experiences over the past fifteen years. This is in the hope of offering positive and creative support to other who are dealing with issues of anxiety, attachment, trauma and developmental delay. 2014 is the year we begin to deliver our support services through the charity http://www.theopennest.co.uk
We are working with adoptees, adopters, foster carers, psychologists and social workers to develop the services we offer so please share your thoughts and ideas with us.

PROBLEM: I know my child cannot help their current struggles but I am exhausted and just need a break. Standard respite services would not suit my family as my child would be very anxious if sent away from me at this stage.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We will be offering short breaks in beautiful Whitby, North Yorkshire. There will be a choice of a comfortable rural camping barn with room for four or a three bedroomed apartment in a town centre hotel. Parent/parents will come with children but get whole days or evenings off whilst children are cared for and entertained by expert carers who understand the specific issues.

PROBLEM: I have been assessed as needing support but there is nothing suitable forthcoming and I feel it is down to funding and availability.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: Short breaks and other services will be free and funded by our charity. Those who feel able to contribute to the costs of their respite or support can support us with a donation ( We will trust people to assess this themselves).

PROBLEM: My child has contact with birth family members but I wish it could be in a more neutral, private and safe space.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We can offer 20 acres of beautiful National Park as well as beautiful indoor spaces to families who wish to have contact with siblings or birth parents.

PROBLEM: My child finds a lot of situations difficult but professionals do not always believe me or fully understand and this triggers my child. I feel am not listened to as I’m “just the parent” and I don’t have the time or energy to battle the system.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We offer a free advocacy service for families. We will contact agencies, schools etc for you with positive information and literature that will help your individual child. We can also send you literature to give to teachers, social workers, family members etc. We can also advise on potential benefits and legislation. We can be assertive on your behalf and can contact local MP’s.

PROBLEM: Sometimes I just need someone to talk to who has “been there”

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We will have a confidential telephone helpline for those who need to chat through an issue, moan, cry, laugh or be directed to other appropriate support agencies or individuals.

PROBLEM: I would love to meet with other adoptive families in a safe space.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We will organise small short break social gatherings (up to 22 people) for adoptive families. These will be free of charge including accommodation and food. There will be activities for children facilitated by expert sessional workers. There will be options to do “grown up” activities for parents/carers.

PROBLEM: I would like to attend a conference specifically for information, support and learning around adoption but cannot afford the cost of a ticket.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We will be hosting an annual conference for adoptees and adopters. The conference delivery will be dynamic and original and will be strictly delivered by adoptees and adopters. Attendance will be free (as in all our service provision a donation can be given if appropriate). There will be child care if it is needed for accessibility.

PROBLEM: My child’s violence has reached a level that makes me scared that I may not be able to cope anymore and our adoption may break down.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We can fund and facilitate specific in house training for individual families in crisis. This training will address issues of behaviour management for your individual child and safety strategies. The training will be delivered by a recognised National provider who is expert at conflict management.

PROBLEM: It upsets me that me and/or my family is not reflected or represented truthfully in cultural arenas.

OPEN NEST SOLUTION: We will be facilitating and hosting cultural events, with National coverage, where the “voice” of the adoptee and adopter are represented over and above the agenda of any other group. We also aim to support other projects and individuals with this aim.

The Open Nest currently raises the largest part of its funds by selling holidays to the general public at http://www.larosa.co.uk @LaRosaHotel
Our family set up this vintage hotel and campsite business ten years ago to address the issue that due to our difficulties in dealing with trauma it was hard for any of us to fit into mainstream employment or educational settings. We are now able to use this business which has a loyal customer base to support others.

A proportion of our sales go directly to fund post adoption services. This independent fund raising allows us to be creative and means service users are not at the mercy of assessments or funding shortages before accessing support.

We also organise smaller fundraising events and very much appreciate others who do the same for us. We are a registered charity and this year will become a registered adoption support agency.

Anybody who wishes to fund raise for us, share advice or ideas, or would like to be on our mailing list please contact us at info@theopennest.co.uk

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My Name Is Jazz: The Future

Whell I have moved in to my on house as u all no but I all ways won’t a house by the see side  because  I love walking on the beach and having fires and felling the lovely soft sand and the smell of the see and swimming and tacking the most wonderful stafferbull tears out.

And my ideal car is a soberro but well have to bee realistic so voxyl cosa red and black Matted and big lound spieler and orange wells and black out windows  And a massive speaker in the boot.

And Ideil job is army or police but yet ageing we have to bee realistic so a macanick with my new friends and me to bee ther boss for ones not mother hen!!!!!!

And my ideal stile is rally skinny jeans and long hire and one side saved but I cart grow my hire past a grade 4 because its rally annoye me.

my i deil body is big rip mussels and my idel tatto is marvel comics sleeve and my ideal  Holiday is New York withe the most wounde full fiend and mum ever

And my ideal laptop is a Appel Mac.

me and one of my best fiends we are starting a caffe at the hotel and I’m go to do a club with no acihol.

i work at a resqiew center for dogs and birds and a blind gote and stuff and we got a Gary hound in on whensday and he is in a rate stat so I rally won’t to help him get better.

My  one dreem that I’ve all ways won’t I’d is a baby girl calls Tilly Kat Boorman or a son call Jason David Boorman the end.

Right Hand Girl

independent-living-skills

 

I banged on about support and lack of it, to us and others last week and sometime soon will write a more positive post about support options.

Today though, I wanted to point out that one of the greatest sources of support to me has been Jazz. She has always been able to laugh in the face of adversity and is one of the most honest people I have ever met. I know I’m a better person for having met her and she is my biggest teacher.

Her smile would get me through most things and I’m so glad we’ve had each other in our lives.

Backwards to Basics

The initial signs of her wish to regress came from our first few shopping trips together. There was a complete fascination with the baby aisle. Bottles, nappies, baby food and baby bath products. Just touching the stuff and looking at the pictures of babies.

This progressed into “playing” babies which involved me treating her as if she were much younger. At five she would instruct me on what constituted the right way to look after a baby. Never a complete surrender of her control but safety behind her precise instructions.

It made immediate sense to me and I remembered some of the preparation training I had which spoke of stages of missed development and building blocks. Fragile foundations.

I have to admit it felt a little strange and uncomfortable to me treating a five year old like a baby but I also felt she needed it. It was soothing to her alongside baby style bath times with baby products and toys.

In fact these games constituted the only time she would be soothed and calm, with most other times like living with a street cred’ Mowgli on amphetamines. Jumping, shouting, climbing, punching, biting, crying, laughing, spitting. There were no social niceties no matter where we were or who was present. Attention! Attention!

I realised we would have to move through the baby stage and made the instinctive decision to buy a tipi from a maker in Wales (bear with me). The journey to get it was one of our first ever long trips away from home and was fraught with the incidents that unfamiliar surroundings bring in the early days. The most spectacular attention event was her running away from me and fully clothed into the sea on a snowy winter morning. Woolly gloves, bobble hat and all. Her lips went blue and people tut tutted.

Safely back at home and safely off the roof rack, I persuaded a very kind and generous gentleman we knew to let us put the tipi, all fifteen feet of it, on his farm land in the woods. It was safely near where we lived and we could get there in five minutes. Nobody could see or hear us and it allowed us to spend endless days with no distractions.

The regression for us was going back to nature. Blocking out TV, music, noise, shops, new people, neighbours, cars, school. In their place we bought in trusted friends, pants and vests, eating with fingers from the barbecue, drinking out of bottles, fires, snoozing under canvas, mud and climbing trees.

During one of our first visits she led me in a play about how I find a fairy child curled up asleep in the woods under a tree. I would have to express shock at finding her and pick her up and “save” her. It always made me think of the myths of storks and gooseberry bushes. It also made me sad.

After a while though, this freedom to play in the woods bought opportunities to let go of her anxiety and allow the constant drip drip of adrenalin to subside. It was simple and basic and safe. I felt it allowed her to think clearly, which allowed her to express herself safely through play, both happy and sad. It also set her up for life to access free of charge and healthy self soothing.

To this day if things are teenage tough, a camping trip, a walk in the woods, a swim in a river or even some quite time under a tree can bring a new perspective and a calmness that is priceless.

I truly believe that for some children regressing by going back to nature can unscramble and redirect basic instincts of fight and flight.

Recently there was some discussion in our house and with fellow mums about the distasteful description of traumatised children as feral. This word conjures up thoughts of all the wrong kinds of wildness and it does a disservice to the instinctual and often wise strategic behaviours of those children who have had to learn to survive loss, chaos and lack of control.

To return to basics, go back to nature, into the wilderness, back to the beginnings of life itself can, for some, have a healing and uplifting effect.

(And of course, there’s nobody tut tutting, and the ketchup falls on the earth not the carpet, and the phone doesn’t ring, and the cats can relax at home, and the trees get climbed not the sofa, and only the pants and vest get ripped, and uptight mother can stop worrying about what the neighbours think of all the noise……….)

 

http://www.theopennest.co.uk