All About The Boy

I first met Justin, Jazz’s brother, when I took her to say a “goodbye forever” contact with him and her other brother Freddie.

Afterwards it felt all wrong. Freddie was going to be adopted by a lovely couple but Justin was in a children’s home aged seven. Considered “not suitable for adoption”.

I can’t tell the whole story here for fear of going on a bit, but after fighting for over six years including a court case, Justin came to live in a house next door to Jazz and on a long term therapeutic foster placement. The years of safe family life lost in that process and the lack of quality care in the time he waited was unforgivable.

Its been a hard struggle to take part in the parenting of two traumatised children as many adopters will know all too well, but I don’t regret it at all. Myself, my friends and family have provided security, continuity and love to him, particularly Claudia who bravely committed to being his main mum at a very young age herself.

Although living next door to each other the children were a part of each others lives every day, especially as neither of them attended school. The support they needed as individuals caused a lot of stressful and attention seeking behaviour from them both and I could see why the court made the decision they needed a mum each, as I was a single carer.

Many years have gone by and as things stand the pair of them are not particularly close due to Justin’s behaviour which caused Jazz a lot of upset when they were in their teens. I think she loves him despite this and they had many fun times together as children.

Justin is a lovely man and it’s his 21st birthday tomorrow. I wish I could have got him out of the children’s home sooner and I wish he hadn’t experienced the things he did whilst in there. I feel honoured that he considers us as home. I will always admire his gentleness despite the horrors he has experienced, as well as his amazing woodsman skills, trying his hardest to be the man of the house.

I feel a lot of respect to those adopters who parent siblings who are traumatised. I feel siblings should be together if at all possible and where there is no risk of further trauma by being together.

As in many areas of adoption so much more is possible with the right support in place.

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Understanding

Somebody commented on Twitter tonight that adopters can never fully understand an adoptees loss. I agree, never fully, but I do understand a lot of it because Jazz talks to me. We have been nothing if not honest to each other from the start. Maybe its her personality or maybe the result of us together, but hiding feelings has never been our thing. Now she is adult and we still talk honestly warts and all.
She has made sure I understand her loss and her sadness and her anger at what life dealt her with no choice. She also communicates her gain, her happiness and her joy “despite” being adopted by me.
Jazz is not somebody who will not be heard and nobody owns her.

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My Name Is Jazz

My blog number 11

Been in love

When I was 8 I went to a specel school and they was a boy and we fell in love
And he came to my 8th bd party and I had my freest kiss and he usto come to my uth club and say hi thew the gate
I cart rember why we dident see one and u nuther now for years but I think it’s because we moved house.

The we went on holiday i was 10 and I met a girl and that was onley puppy love and thats when I throat i was gay and I don’t think I came out I think every one guess I was but I cart remember to be sure.

Then i was 13 I fell in love with a young girl But she wasn’t gay and one day we went to see her mum and dad in the shop and I ask her dad were she was and he said with her boy friend and The mass hobial felling came in my body and I felt so upset and so Jelus and I went home feeling sick and the next day I was love sick.

Then I fell in love with Vegetable boy. I was rally fuck up and confust. was I gay strat or bi and I still in love with him to this day.

And then I was 16 I fell in love with a gay girl and then I thort this is the one but she had a girl.i sent a valentines card but mum said she was not the one for me. It wasent to controll me its because she nose me and loved me and she nose me better then Ey one.

And then i was 18 fell in love with a boy and the I was so confust and he’s a bad boy but a Harte of gold and he got a staffy dog like me.

Then I fell in love with a girl And I thort she was in love with me to
And we became friends on Facebook and we wear talking a lot and she was call me Hun and the she said call me and we had a rally long chat and I said do u wont to go for a drink And she said I like boys and I felt Harte broke ageing and obsess with her.

and now I don’t no what I am. I’ve got no one and I fell its because
I gay and starting to fell that’s a rally bad thing and its because I feel ugly
But then I just think no u not u are rally lucky and buttefull but I just rally froststatus I haven’t got no one.
I just one to hold the love of live hand and kiss them yuckkkkk!!!!! And get down on one leg in the snow and a galls of champing and with a rally starship night and ask them to marry me that is my dream I so won’t to Badly.

I feel I’m ready for facebook but mum dident but she oley dident won’t me get hert but I just won’t to fell loved in that way and to walk down the street with her or he in my hands with buster and coco felling so prows and then mybee have I kid but some times I fell its not going to come true And that’s so pine full for me and I tack it out on my mum Woch is not nice for her because she fell giltey for not letting me dates yet and its not fear on me slowley slowley.

And rally bugs me like hell

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